The Truth About Mom Guilt (And How to Let It Go...Or At Least Live With It)

Mom guilt. It’s like an unwanted house guest — one you didn’t invite, never asked for, but somehow shows up and refuses to leave. You tell yourself you shouldn’t feel it, that it’s irrational, but there it is, settling into the back of your heart (or gut), making you question everything.

As a mom of 16 years, I’ve come to realize something important: Mom guilt never really goes away. It’s not something you can banish completely (and maybe I’m wrong — after all, I’m no psychologist). But for me, it’s not about getting rid of it. It’s about learning to live with it and not letting it control your life.

Photo by Yan Krukau found on Pexels.

Why mom guilt sticks around

Mom guilt isn’t just about being a mom. It’s tangled up with who we are as people. It’s shaped by our own baggage, our histories, and the expectations we’ve absorbed from the world around us.

For me, mom guilt hits at the most random times. Like when I’m at my favorite Zumba class — during bedtime, no less — because that’s the only time my favorite teacher teaches. Or when, after class, the girls ask me to grab a quick bite or drink, and I say yes.

It sneaks in during the small moments too. Like when we’ve had frozen dinners or takeout for two weeks straight. My brain wants to erase all the home-cooked meals I’ve made over the years, and I wonder: Does this make me a bad mom? Does it even matter?

I can feel the guilt when I think about how not all my kids are in extracurricular activities. They didn’t learn an instrument. I didn’t teach them Spanish like I thought I would. I couldn’t give them that perfect Catholic school education I once imagined.

Mom guilt doesn’t let up. I could sit here and rattle off a family-of-six-sized list of all the ways I’ve felt like I’ve fallen short. And some days, that list feels overwhelming.

But then I remind myself of one thing: I’m always there for my kids. They can’t say I wasn’t present. In fact, I’m around all the time.

Living with mom guilt, not fighting it

I’ve stopped trying to fight mom guilt. Instead, I’ve learned to live through it. That’s the real secret: not letting it take over your life, but finding ways to coexist with it. Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Recognizing what matters

I’ve come to realize that I’m a better person — and a better mom — when I make time for the things I enjoy. That means taking care of myself without guilt.

So yes, I’m at Zumba during bedtime sometimes. And yes, I say yes to drinks with friends afterward. But I know I’m happier and more present with my family because I do those things. Mom guilt might whisper, “Should you really be doing this?” but I remind myself that self-care makes me stronger, not selfish.

• It’s not all or nothing

  
  

So what if we’ve had frozen meals for two weeks? That doesn’t erase the years of home-cooked meals or the love that went into them. Parenting isn’t about perfection — it’s about showing up.

• Perspective is key

  
  

Not every choice carries as much weight as mom guilt tries to make us believe. My kids didn’t all join sports or learn an instrument, but they’ve grown up loved and supported. And that’s what matters.

Reframing guilt as proof of love

Some days, the guilt feels heavier. I can list every perceived shortcoming, but here’s the truth I hold onto:

If you feel mom guilt, it’s already proof that you care.

The fact that you’re even questioning your choices means you’re showing up for your kids. That’s enough.

Letting it go (sort of)

Here’s the real truth: you’re not going to let go of mom guilt entirely. It’ll still be there, lurking in the corners of your mind. But you can learn to put it in perspective.

When it whispers that you’re not doing enough, remind yourself of all the ways you are showing up. When it nags at you for taking time for yourself, remember that a fulfilled, happy mom is a better mom. And when it tries to convince you that every decision is monumental, tell it to chill — because most choices aren’t as deep as they feel in the moment.

You’re doing better than you think

So, to the moms carrying their own laundry list of guilt: you’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think. The fact that you care so much is what makes you an incredible mom.

Let’s stop trying to be perfect and start giving ourselves the grace we so readily give to others. Because at the end of the day, your kids don’t need perfection. They need you. And that’s enough.